One liners

Sign on the side of an Irish van:

Eamonn Feason. International Plumber Paris, Madrid, Las Vegas. But mostly Dublin.

Sign in a Dublin shop:

'O'Reilly's Kentucky Fried Chicken. If Colonel Sanders had had our recipe He'd have been a general!'

Notice on a building site:

'The shovels haven't arrived, and until they do, you'll have to lean on each other.'

'What does your husband do?' inquired Lucy,

'Sure he works in a clock factory,' said Mary. 'He sits at a bench making faces all day.'

'There's four of you putting these telegraph poles into the ground, Murphy,' said the foreman. 'How come they've all put in twenty, and you've only managed four?'

'But sir,' reasoned Murphy, 'look how much of the poles they're leaving sticking out of the ground!'

The Irishman on Liverpool's docks would leave the job early every lunchtime, telling his workmates, 'I'm just going for more cotton.'

When he died they wrote this epitaph on his headstone:

'Gone - but not for cotton.'

Two Irishmen saw the sign 'Tree fellers wanted'. The first Irishman said 'If Pat had been with us we'd have got that job'.

An Irish policeman in Liverpool found a dead horse in Cazneau Street. Not being too sure how to spell Cazneau Street he dragged the beast into Lime Street.