Working in the zoo

Times were tough. The recession had really bitten and jobs were scarce. Murphy had tried everything, manual labour, waiting on tables, window cleaning. Each job just seemed to melt away and now he was desperate. Then he noticed an ad in the evening paper. 'Help needed urgently at Whipsnade Zoo.'

'Who cares what the work is,' thought Murphy. Till have a go, begod.'

'Well, Mr Murphy,' said the head keeper, Till tell you the truth. We're desperately short of animals anyway, and now the gorilla has gone down with the flu. We're looking for someone to dress up in a gorilla outfit and bounce around the cage.'

I'm your man,' said Murphy. I'm your man.'

So terms were agreed - £100 per week and all the bananas that Murphy could eat, and your man set off with a will.

All morning he bounded around the cage, swinging from trees, bellowing and charging at the people on the other side of the bars. But if the morning went well, the afternoon was a disaster. Having feasted on five pounds of bananas, Murphy decided to do a little bouncing up and down. Second bounce he landed on a loose floorboard and crashed through the cage bottom into a lower cage full of lions.

'My God, help me,' screamed Murphy, starting to rip off the gorilla skin.

'Shut your gob,' said the nearest lion, 'or you'll get us all the sack!'