One Liners

Cork woman went shopping in Tralee and she asked for a pound of onions. The price was £1. That's outrageous,' she said, "you can keep them and you know what to do with them.' 'I can't,' replied the Kerry sales woman, 'there is a £2 cucumber there already!'

Two Kerry girls see a Jet plane passing.
FIRST KERRY GIRL: 'He is going much faster than us.'
SECOND KERRY GIRL: 'No wonder. Imagine how fast you'd be going if your behind was burning.'

Then there was the Kerry woman who was so fat that she used bicycle tubes for garters.

How did the Kerry woman get holes in her face?
Trying to eat soup with a fork.

Then there was the Kerry woman whose husband drank so much that the customs bonded his liver.

A Kerry woman's husband is away on business. She gets a phone call from a chatterbox friend:
'I have to tell you that I saw your husband in Ballybunion with a very attractive blond linking his arm."
'Hm, what did you expect a man to have on his arm?' asked the woman sharply, 'a bucket and spade?'

What's the first thing a Kerry woman does when she gets out of the bath?
She takes off her clothes.

Then there was the Kerry woman who was so thin that when she closed one eye she looked like a darning needle.

When a Kerryman's wife gave birth to a black baby he said that he wasn't a bit surprised as his wife always burns everything.

Who invented the Charleston?
A Kerry family of eleven. They only had one toilet.