One Liners

Then there was the Kerry girl who ate only dripping when slimming because she was told that constant dripping wears away a stone.

KERRY WOMAN: 'Wake up, Paul, I'm certain I heard a mouse squeak.'
SLEEPY HUSBAND: What do you expect me to do? Get up and oil it?'

KERRY HUSBAND: Wash your face. I can see what you had for your breakfast'
KERRY WIFE: 'Okay, smart alec. What did I have?
KERRY HUSBAND: 'Eggs.'
KERRY WIFE: 'How wrong can you be. That was yesterday.'

TEACHER: What must we do before we have our sins forgiven?'
KERRY GIRL: We must commit sin.'

Did you hear about the Kerry woman who had water on the knee?
She wore Wellington boots.

A Kerry woman complains to her friend about her husband and eventually her friend asked: "Why don't you divorce him ?
That would suit him fine. I stuck him for twenty years and now I don't want to make him happy any more.'

The Kerry secretary entered the office whistling, kissed the manager, hit the boss and turned the wastepaper basket over his head. Alarmed one of her colleagues rushed in and whispered into her ear: 'Stop it, you idiot, we were only joking when we said you had won the sweep!'

To a large Kerry family with six daughters a son has been born at last. The Joy is great and there is no end to the celebrations.
"Who does he resemble?' asks one of the friends.
'Good Lord, in all our excitement we have not even looked at the face!'

My husband has given up smoking.' said the Kerry woman. 'But that requires a strong will.' 'No fear, I've got that!'

Did you hear about the Kerry woman who never wore a necklace?
She Just pleated her wrinkles.