One Liners

DOCTOR 'How is your husband doing with the slimming diet I gave him?'
KERRY WOMAN: 'Wonderful. He disappeared last week.'

FIRST KERRY WOMAN: 'How do you like your new priest?'
SECOND KERRY WOMAN: 'Not very much. You see he preaches so long I find it hard to stay awake and he roars so loud I find it hard to fall asleep.'

CORK STUDENT: What did your boyfriend give you for Christmas?'
KERRY STUDENT: This beautiful woollen jumper.'

CORK STUDENT: That's not woollen. The label says "cotton".
KERRY STUDENT: Yes, but that's only to fool the moths!'

Then there was a Kerry woman who fell asleep in the bath with the water running. Nothing happened, however, because she always slept with her mouth open.

A Kerry woman complained to the night porter in the hotel that there was a dead flea in her bed. PORTER: 'Don't be afraid a dead flea won't hurt you.'
KERRY WOMAN: I'm not afraid of the dead flea, but the 500 others that will be coming to the funeral.'

A Kerry woman was appointed to the job of Rate Collector. After her first day's work her boss called her aside and complained about her bad breath. You would have the same problem," she said, 'if you had to kiss as many politicians as I had to get this job.'

Why did the Kerry woman dye her hair blonde?
Because the doctor told her she had a gilt complex!

TEACHER: 'Could you tell me something about the great Kerry poets of the eighteenth century?' KERRY GIRL: They're all dead.'

KERRY WOMAN: 'Myself and my husband were fighting for fifteen years before it came to an end.'
CORK WOMAN: 'Did you bury the hatchet?'
KERRY WOMAN: 'No. I buried the husband.'