One Liners

JUDGE: 'Why are you called "Lady Mary"? Surely, you have no royal blood?
KERRY WOMAN: Well sir, the "Lady" in front of my name is like when somebody calls you the "Honourable"
Judge: It doesn't mean a thing.'

Sign in Kerry hairdressing saloon: The views expressed by the hairdressers are not necessarily those of the management

DOCTOR: 'I have already given you three strong laxatives and you haven't passed a thing. What do you work at?"
KERRY GIRL: 'I work for a Kerry farmer.'
DOCTOR: That explains it. Here's £10. Go and eat something.'

What did the adding machine say to the Kerry girl?
You can count on me.

GIRL: What's the hardest thing you find about driving your new car?'
KERRY GIRL: 'Paying the instalments.'

AMERICAN VISITOR: 'And now, my dear, what will you do when you are as big as me?'
KERRY GIRL: 'Go on a diet.'

What did the Kerry woman do when the steamroller ran over her husband?
She brought him home and slipped him under the door.

A Kerry woman was overheard saying to her husband: 'Since you only clean your nails once a year the least you can do is to clean them over the geranium pot.'

I'm not responsible for this crash.' explained the Kerry woman indignantly. 'I turned the way I indicated.'
'Exactly,' answered the unfortunate Corkman, 'that's what fooled me!'

FIRST KERRYMAN: 'How is your wife getting on with her driving lessons?'
SECOND KERRYMAN: 'Not so bad. The road is beginning to turn when she does.'