One Liners

A Kerry woman was on holiday in Dublin. She was held up by a robber.
'Give me your money or I'll beat your brains out.'
'Beat away,' the Kerry woman said. 'I can live without brains but not without money in Dublin.'

Then there was the Kerry woman who boasted that her husband was listed in Booze Who!

KERRY GIRL: 'My mother collects fleas for a hobby.'
CORK GIRL: 'What does your father do?
KERRY GIRL: 'Scratches himself.

CORK WOMAN: 'Why are you so happy?'
KERRY WOMAN: 'I have a lovely home, paid for. two lovely children, a lot of good Investments, a husband Insured for £100,000 and he's not In the best of health!'

NURSE TO SMALL KERRY GIRL: The stork brought you a baby brother last night. Do you want to see him?'
KERRY GIRL: 'No. I want to see the stork!'

Letter from a Kerry girl to her boyfriend:
Dear Bill, the reason I didn't laff at you when you laft at me in the street yesterday was becos I have a bile on me face and cant laff. If I laff 'twil burst. But I loves you Bill, bile or no bile, laff or no laff.
Mary.

The whole life story of a Kerry woman was revealed in the letters she produced in court during a breach of promise case. They were:
Dear Mr Smith: My dear John: My darling John: My own darling Jack: Dear John: Dear Sir: Sir.

Motto of Kerry hen: An egg a day keeps the knife away.

Then there was the Kerry girl who said she didn't dress to please other men but to worry other women.

KERRY WOMAN: 'I had my husband well insured.'
CORK WOMAN: 'What did you get out of it?'
KERRY WOMAN: 'My second husband.'