One Liners

During the Emergency a Kerry regiment was sent to immobilise a railway station. After about five minutes they returned without a single casualty, and carrying a large sack. 'How did you manage to do it so quickly?' asked the Commander.
'Easy', answered the regiment leader. 'We simply stole all the railway tickets'.

A Kerryman went to insure his car and paid £20 to have it insured against fire.
'For £10 more sir', said the agent, 'you can insure it against theft also'.
That would be a waste of money', said the Kerryman,
"who would ever steal a burning car?'.

How many Kerrymen does it take to launch a ship?
A thousand and one one to hold the bottle of champagne and a thousand to bang the ship against it.

Then there was the Kerryman whose wife had twins. He went out with a shotgun looking for the other man.

What do you call a Kerryman under a wheelbarrow?
A mechanic.

Have you heard about the Kerryman who drove his new car over the cliff?
He wanted to test the air-biakes.

What do you do if a Kerryman throws a pin at you?
Run like mad; he's probably got a grenade between his teeth.

How do you recognise a Kerry pirate?
He's got a patch over each eye.

It's easy to recognise a firing squad consisting entirely of Kerrymen. They stand in a circle so as to be sure of not missing.

It's easy to tell if the prisoner is a Kerryman too.
If he is, he doesn't duck.