One Liners

A Kerryman went to the doctor and complained that every time he drank a cup of tea he got.a sharp pain in his eye.
'Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup?' asked the doctor.

A Kerryman's brother died, so he decided he would put a death notice in the paper.
'How much does a death notice cost?' he asked the girl at the counter.
'£1 an inch', she replied.
Til never manage to pay', said the Kerryman, 'my brother was six foot four inches tall'.

Why do you never get ice in drinks served in Kerry?
The fellow with the recipe emigrated.

A Kerryman was digging a hole in the ground, when a passerby asked where he was going to put all the clay out of the hole. Til dig another hole', said the Kerryman. 'But how do you know it will all fit?'
Til dig the other hole deeper', said the Kerryman.

How do you make a Kerryman laugh on a Monday morning?
Tell him a joke on Friday evening.

A Kerryman was attacked by a robber and put up a spirited fight before parting with his purse which contained only 15p.
'You mean to tell me you put up all that struggle, all for 15p?'
'No', said the Kerryman, 'I thought you were after the £50 I've got hidden in my left shoe'.

What do you call a Kerryman on a bicycle?
A dope peddler.

A Kerryman applied for a job as an RTE newscaster, but was turned down.
'I'll bet I didn't get the job', he complained, 'just because I'm a K-K-K-K-Kerryman'.

What has an I.Q. of 144?
A gross of Kerrymen.

A Kerryman nearly became a hero by diving fully clothed into a river to rescue a drowning man. He only made one mistake - he hung the man up to dry on a tree by the river.