One Liners

A Kerry sergeant was teaching two young recruits to march, with very little success. Finally in despair he shouted at them 'If I knew which one of you two fools was out of step, I'd put him in the guard-house'.

What day of the week do little Kerry boys play truant from school?
Saturday.

A Kerryman who became a literary critic once claimed that Shakespeare's plays were not written by Shakespeare, but by another gentleman of the same name.

Have you heard about the Kerryman who drove his car over a cliff? He wanted to test the air-brakes.

A Kerryman rushed into a railway station and asked the clerk for a ticket to Jeopardy. 'Where's that?' asked the clerk.
'I don't know', said the Kerryman, 'but I've just seen a newspaper headline which said "500 jobs in jeopardy" '.

A Kerryman was asked how he was getting on with a pair of rubber gloves that he had purchased.
'They are terrific', he replied, 'if you put them on, you can wash your hands without getting them wet'.

A doctor, having prescribed an emetic for a Kerryman, received the following letter from himi-
My dear doctor,
That emetic you gave me was worse than useless. I tried it twice but I couldn't keep it in my stomach either time.

A businessman hired a Kerry girl as his private secretary. One day he asked her to find the telephone number of Mr. Zimmerman. About an hour later he asked her if she had found it yet. Tm bound -to find it soon', she told him, 'I've worked my way right through the telephone directory as far as the letter

A Kerryman once took up a church-gate collection to send Ironside to Lourdes.
It was only to be expected that Kerrymen wouldn't take all those jokes lying down. Scarcely had the echoes of the last Kerryman joke died away when the counter-attack began. Nobody was spared and the Kerrymen as usual had the last laugh.

What is black and frizzled and hangs from the ceiling?
A Galway electrician.