One Liners

Definition of an intellectual Kerryman:
one who visits an art gallery even when it's not raining.

How do you recognise a Kerry business executive?
He's the one wearing pin-striped Wellingtons.

A Kerryman told a friend that he hadn't a living relative in the world except a cousin who died four years ago in America.

What do you call a Kerryman who rides his bicycle on the pavement?
A psychopath.

Then there was the Kerryman who thought that Sherlock Holmes was a block of flats.

A Kerryman was working on the railroad, when suddenly a train came speeding down the track. The Kerryman took off down the track but was knocked down and badly injured. When he regained consciousness in hospital, the doctor asked him why he had not run up the embankment. 'Don't be a fool', said the Kerryman, 'if I couldn't out-run it on the flat, what chance had I running uphill?'

How do you recognise a Kerry Hippie?
Flared Wellingtons.

Why should you never give Kerry workers a tea break?
It takes too long to retrain them afterwards.

Two Kerrymen were travelling by train. All of a sudden an express train passed going the other way.
'By Jove', said one Kerryman to the other, 'that was a close shave'.

Why do Kerrymen make poor card players?
Every time they pick up a spade, they spit on their hands.