One Liners

Have you heard about the Kerryman who had a brain transplant?
The brain rejected him.

Two Kerrymen lost on a dark night came upon a milestone. 'We must have wandered into a graveyard', said the first. 'Some fellow called "Miles from Dublin" is buried in this grave', said the second. 'You're right', said the first, 'and look at the age he was a hundred and seventy-five .

A Kerryman went into a store and asked for four dozen mothballs.
'But', said the shop assistant, 'you bought four dozen mothballs only yesterday'.
"That's right', said the Kerryman, 'but those damn moths are very hard to hit'.

A Kerryman went to London and found himself in the Underground late one night. Seeing a notice DOGS MUST BE CARRIED ON THE ESCALATOR, he maoned to himself,
'Where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?'

How do you recognise the bride at a Kerry wedding?
She's the one wearing the white Wellingtons.

A Kerryman who kept all his money in a mattress was asked why he didn't keep it in the bank, in view of all the interest he would receive. 'I've thought of that too', said the Kerryman, 'I put a little away every week for the interest as well'.

How do you recognise a Kerryman in a car-wash?
He's the one sitting on the motor-bike.

A Kerryman once went to England looking for a job with Weetabix the builder.

Two Kerrymen were visiting the cinema for the first time. When they arrived the film had already started, so it was quite dark. As they walked down the aisle they were followed by the usherette with a torch. 'Watch out', said one Kerryman to the other, 'here comes a bicycle'.

A Kerryman working as a painter on a building site was painting a door at a furious rate. When the foreman asked him to explain he blurted out 'I'm doing it quickly before the pot of paint runs out'.