One Liners

Have you heard about the Kerryman who got a pair of water skis for Christmas ?
He's still going around looking for a lake with a slope.

A Kerryman had bought his first mirror and was using it while shaving. The mirror fell on the floor but fortunately was undamaged. As he gazed down at his face in the mirror he reflected:
'Just my luck. I've only just bought a new mirror and I've gone and cut my head off.

How do you recognise a Kerryman on an oil rig?
He's the one throwing crusts of bread to the helicopters.

A hotel manager noticed that one of his guests had signed himself XX in the register. He called round to the guest's room and found himself face to face with a Kerryman who explained, "The first X stands for John O'Sullivan and the second X stands for M.A.

Have you heard about the Kerryman who cheated CIE?
He bought a return ticket to Dublin and didn't go back.

How do Kerrymen forge 10p pieces?
They cut the corners off 50p pieces!

A man hired a Kerryman as an assistant to take phone calls.
One day the phone rang and when the Kerryman answered he hung up immediately.
"Who was that?' asked his boss.
'Some fool saying it was a long distance from New York. I told him everybody knew that'.

Two Kerrymen were sent to jail, one for thirty years and the other for thirty-five years. They happened to share the same cell, so on their first night in jail the Kerryman who got the longer sentence said to his cell-mate 'You take the bed nearest the door, since you'll be released first'.

A Kerryman rang Aer Lingus and asked how long it took to fly from Dublin to London.
'Just a minute sir', said the girl on the desk.
Thank you', said the Kerryman and hung up.

Kerry foreman on a building site: 'How many men are working in that pit?'
Voice from pit: 'Three'.
Kerry foreman: 'Well half of ye come up'.