Replacement for petrol

'The Arabs have had it too easy for too long,' thought Professor Moriarty. 'It's time to break their stranglehold on the world's oil markets.'

So it was that he set out, assisted by the finest brains in Ireland to find a different source for oil and petroleum spirit.

One year, two years, five years, ten, they experimented, failed, started again. Hope was followed by despair, despair followed by renewed hope.

Eventually, fifteen years after he began his quest, the end was in sight. The holy grail lay before him. In fact it had been there all the time waiting to be discovered.

'I've cracked the oil problem,' he announced to the eagerly awaiting press of the world.

'I've managed to produce top grade oil at little or no cost. It comes from mixing pure tap water with camel dung!'

'What a pity,' muttered Peter McPhee. 'And guess who owns all the camels!'