One Liners

The hurling farmer was complaining about the opposing team to his own teammate.
They're no good. And neither are their supporters. All they are good at is boos.'
'Same as our supporters,' said the teammate, 'only ours spell it differently.'

Five lively young farmers went holidaying in Scotland. They could not get used to the strict and early closing hours in the pubs. After a party one night they saw a light in the window of a tavern and one of the young men got out and knocked at the window. A cross looking woman poked her head out of the window and shouted, 'After 'oors.' 'No. We've them in the car,' said the young man.

The farmer's son asked his father why his moustache was so much smaller than that of his schoolmate's father. The farmer had a rather long nose so the wife unkindly told the son that his Daddy's wouldn't grow in the shade.

The following shop-sign can be seen in Co. Kildare: undertaker CARROLL self-service

At the ceremony to mark the commencement of a new Cooperative Hatchery, a lord's wife laid the foundation stone. She is as well as can be expected.

Then there was the farmer whose wife wanted him to wear a cravat to the farmers' dance but he said he wouldn't have the neck to wear it.

Sheepdog for sale. Will eat anything. Very fond of children.

Wanted: Bath for farmer's wife with copper bottom.

'Explain the word "ridiculous" for me,' asked the teacher of the farmer's daughter.
'A bull sitting on'a thistle singing Red Sails in the Sunset,' said the little girl.

A progressive young farmer read that sheep grew more wool if the ram was kept indoors during the winter and if piped music was played in the stall. The young man duly locked the ram in a stall and installed the piped music. Unfortunately, the ram went berserk and burst down the door of the stall as soon as the music started. When the young farmer studied the tape he realised why. The tune being played was There's never going to be another You. (Ewe)