One Liners

Then there was the farmer who took up the piano.
He injured his back.

Seeing the farmer carrying a bag of fertiliser up the garden, the city lady asked what he was doing.
'I'm going to put this on my turnips,' said the farmer.
'My goodness, we always put salt and pepper on ours,' replied the lady.

50% of my farmhouse guests carne from abroad.
The other fellow came from Dublin.

Guest: 'Did you ever sow asparagus?'
Gus: 'No. Couldn't get bird seed.'

Farmer: 'My son got the clock going after nearly twenty years.'
Guest: 'He must have been very young when he started.'

It had rained heavily every day during the farmhouse holidaymakers' stay. They sat in the farmhouse looking miserably out at the falling torrents. The farmer passed by outside bearing planks to build an outhouse.
'Oh look! the farmer is carrying a load of planks. What is he going to build?' asked little David.
The disgruntled father replied, 'an ark, most likely.'

The holidaymakers couldn't but remark on the constant prattle of the farmer's wife. Nobody could get a word in edgeways when she was about. Towards the end of the holiday the farmer confided in his guest and told him that there was an estrangement between himself and his wife. 'As a matter of fact,' he said, 'I haven't spoken to her for six years.' 'Don't worry,' said the guest, "you might get a chance soon.'

Guest: 'Foggy morning.'
Farmer: 'Aye DEW think it will be MIST when the sun rises.'

Farmer (To newly arrived holidaymakers): "So you're an undertaker! But you said in your letter that you were a doctor.' Guest: 'I didn't say that. I said that I followed the medical profession.'

They were coming from Sunday Mass and saw the Television Comany's outside broadcasting van outside the Parish Priest's house. The Parish Priest was a distinguished man of letters. First Farmer: "What are they doing in the Parish Priest's house?'
Second Farmer: 'They're taking his life.'
First Farmer: The cruel crowd of pups but the poor man is as well off dead.'

The tom-cat preened himself on the roof of the haybarn. Two she-cats eyed him and one said to the other, I'd give anything for a night in the hay with him.' "You'd be disappointed,' said the other, He does nothing but talk about his operation.'