One Liners

A farmer loved a nice big egg for his breakfast and noticed of late that the eggs were getting smaller and smaller. One morning there was no egg for him and his wife informed him that the hens had stopped laying. Rushing out to the henhouse he opened the door viciously and screamed, 'which of you cluckers introduced the pill.'

The spinster farmer pestered a neighbouring farmer to sell her some calves. She was stout and she cycled regularly up the steep hill to request the sale on a number of occasions. One evening the farmer stood by his gate as the persistent lady, bicycle creaking, pedalled up the hill in an exhausted condition. As she reached the gate she gasped 'Ned, I'm calvin' again.'

During the foot and mouth epidemic in England a farmer and his wife, returning from there, arrived at Dublin Airport. 'Excuse me sir,' said an official to the farmer, "you must have your baggage disinfected.'
'The cheek of you, you impudent pup,' said the farmer. 'My wife has no diseases.'

Paddy was sick and his young son saw his mother sterilising the crockery that came from the sick-room. He asked his mother why she was doing it and she replied: 'Daddy has germs and these get on the crockery so I boil the crockery so that the germs will be killed.' Having thought for a while the little boy asked, 'but Mammy, wouldn't it be handier to boil Daddy?'

Farmer: 'I had to slaughter a calf for the deep-freeze.'
Guest: 'But if you just put it in alive wouldn't it die with the cold?'

A farmer who had little interest in horse racing paid scant attention to the Grand National broadcast. He left the kitchen while the race was in progress and out in the yard met his guest rushing towards the house.
"The National! Who's winning?' said Mr Sinclair.
'It was all Beecher's Brook when I was leaving,' replied the farmer.

Guest: 'Shouldn't your dog be called BARKER and not PARKER?
' Farmer: 'Oh that's just his pen-name.'

Farmer's Son: 'Where's Baghdad?'
Farmer: 'You're in third class, you, should know where Bag is yourself.' '

Farmer's Son: 'We got a lecture on Yeats in school today, Dad.
Farmer: 'And I suppose, ignorant scamp that you are, you didn't even know what a Yeat was.'