One Liners

A group of English farmers' wives were coming to visit the local Macra na Feirme Qub. To make them feel at home the club decided to lay on a little tea and crumpet for them.

After the success of the film Jaws a farmer whose hobby was making films of wild-life decided to make a film on rats which he would call Gnaws.

The farmer's wife did not know whether to be worried or vexed when her little daughter ran into the kitchen shouting that her daddy was back from his visit to the chiropodist and that he was footless.

The city visitor to Mick's farm was very proud of his being so well versed in the farm animals or so he thought. He stopped before one animal and said to the farmer. 'Why has that cow got no horns?' The farmer replied, 'some cows have their horns cut off when they're calves. Some do not grow horns at all but that one you're looking at has none because it is a sheep.'

The farmer was bragging about his dramatic achievements with the local pantomime troupe. 'I played the front part of the cow in last year's Jack and the Beanstalk,' he said to Pat. Pat replied with the question, 'who played the udder

Then there was the farmer who read all about water-skiing and went looking for a lake with a slope on it.

If your wife is fat make her walk ten miles a day. In a months time she'll be 300 miles away.

The Wicklow farmer's son arrived home and was asked by his father where he had been all day. Son: 'I was at the Sheep-Dog Trials.' Farmer: 'How many were found guilty?'

The Northern Young Farmer's Club invited Prince Philip over to South Tyrone for a shooting holiday.

The young farmer shyly stood at the reception desk of the maternity hospital as the receptionist asked him about medical-cards, health insurance and other things about which he knew little. His wife was becoming impatient for her time was near so she said to her husband, 'Will you for God's sake tell her well pay C.O.D.'