One Liners

It is notoriously difficult to get an appointment with a certain Cork publisher. A sign on his door says: OFFICE HOURS 2 to 2:15 EVERY OTHER WEDNESDAY

An old lady asked a Cork tramp why he was dressed in such a miserable collection of rags.
'It's my unfortunate condition', he told her, 'there isn't a tailor in town who can measure me for a suit, I'm that ticklish'.

A Corkman who was 4 foot 3 1/2 inches tall once offered his services to a well-known circus. He claimed he was the tallest dwarf in the world.

Have you heard about the Cork doctor who was treating a patient for jaundice for over three years? He suddenly found out the fellow was Chinese. Worse still, he cured him.

There once was a Cork medical student who failed all his exams in surgery because he couldn't lance a boil properly. He kept falling off his horse.

A fellow was giving a Corkman a lift in his car but he didn't know if his indicators were working. So he asked the Corkman to go behind the car and tell him. 'Well', he shouted after a few seconds, 'are they working?' "They are, they aren't, they are, they aren't', shouted the Corkman.

How can you recognise a superstitious Corkman?
He won't work during any week with a Friday in it.

Over the years the best supported flag days in Cork have been those for T.V. sets for the Blind and Radios for the Deaf.

What do you do if a Corkman throws a grenade at you?
Take out the pin and throw it back.

What happens to a girl who goes out with a Corkman for an evening?
Nothing!