One Liners

Have you heard about the Corkman who went around taking up a collection for the widow of the Unknown Soldier?

A Cork nurse rushed into her ward and asked a seriously ill patient if he would mind jumping up and down on his bed 'Why do you want me to do that?' he asked feebly 'I forgot to shake your medicine before I gave it to you after lunch', she told him.

A Corkman phoned the Guards and told them to come immediately because the steering wheel, the gear lever, the clutch, the brake, and the accelerator of his car had all been stolen.
A few minutes later he rang again and told them not to bother coming because he had got into the back seat by mistake.

Have you heard about the Corkman who cut a hole in his umbrella?
He wanted to be able to tell when it had stopped raining.

A Corkman bet £10 that he could lean further out of a fourth storey window than a Kerryman. He won the bet.

A Corkman was in court charged with stealing a horse. 'You have a choice', the judge told him. 'You can be tried by me alone or by a jury of your peers'.

'What do you mean by "peers"?' asked the Corkman 'Peers are your equals, men of your own kind and class' Try me yourself judge', said the Corkman, '1 don't want to be tried by a bunch of horse thieves'.

In what month do Corkmen drink the least beer?
February

How do you recognise a Cork intellectual?
He doesn't move his lips when he reads.

Have you heard about the Corkman who heard that 90% of car accidents happened within five miles of home? He moved house.