One Liners

Two Kerrymen decided to kidnap a little Cork boy. Two days after the kidnapping they sent the little lad home to his parents with a ransom note. Next day the parents sent him back with the ransom money.

A Corkman invented the world's most advanced burglar alarm. Unfortunately before he had time to patent it, it was stolen.

How does a Corkman cure water on the brain?
A tap on the head.

How does a Corkman cure water on the knee?
Drainpipe trousers.

Have you heard about the Corkman who joined the Mafia?
They made him an offer he couldn't understand!

'How did Mrs. O'Sullivan's appendix operation go?' a Cork doctor was asked by his nurse.
'Appendix operation? ' he screamed, 'I was told it was a postmortem'.

A Corkman was being charged with driving down the middle of the road. In defence he stated that one of the instructions in his driving test application form had been 'tear along the dotted line'.

A Cork bank robber was picked up with a sawn-off shotgun. It seems he had sawn off the wrong end of the shotgun.

A Corkman who was fined £10 for being drunk and disorderly told the judge that he had no money to pay the fine. 'You would if you hadn't spent it on drink', the judge told him.

Have you heard about the Corkman who wrote to the Gay Byrne Hour asking him to speak up a bit because the batteries on his transistor radio were running down?