One Liners

Two Corkmen were pushing a car up a hill and after an hour they finally made it.
'I thought we would never manage it', said the first Corkman. 'It's a good job that I remembered to leave the handbrake on', said the second Corkman, 'or it would have rolled downhill'.

Have you heard about the Cork kidnapper who was picked up by the police?
He enclosed a stamped addressed envelope with the ransom note.

A Corkman started a fantastic new sweepstake with a first prize of a million pounds -£1 a year for a million years.

A Corkman was given a present of a new boomerang. It took him over a month to throw the old one away.

A Corkman had two chickens and one of them became ill. So he killed the healthy chicken to make soup for the other one.

How can we be sure that Santa Claus is a Corkman?
There are two doors in the average house and eight windows and he goes down the chimney.

Have you heard about the Corkman with a serious problem?
He thought he had a bigger and better inferiority complex than anybody else in the world.

A Jury consisting of twelve Corkmen once returned the following verdict -
'We find the defendant guilty as charged. We admit he didn't do it because he was somewhere else at the time, but we think he would have done it if he had the chance*.

How does a Corkman cook sausages?
First he guts them and then he skins them.

'What are my chances of surviving this operation?' a Corkman asked his doctor.
'Excellent', said the doctor, 'nine out of ten patients die under this operation and the last nine patients I have operated on have died'