One Liners

Have you heard about the Corkman who used to use barbed wire for garters?
He wanted to keep his calves in.

A Corkman was lecturing about his travels in foreign countries. 'I came across a peculiar custom among the Chinese', he told his audience. 'If a rich man was condemned to death, he could save his life by paying somebody to die in his place. Many of the poor people made their living by acting as substitutes in this way'.

A Cork traffic warden explained the system of yellow lines on city streets as follows: One yellow line means no parking at all. Two yellow lines mean no parking at all at all.

A Cork blacksmith gave the following instructions to his youthful assistant:
'I'll put the red-hot iron on the anvil and when I nod my head you hit it'.

A Corkman was doing an examination to join the Civil Service. One question read:
Give first names of each of the following, STALIN, HITLER and GANDHI.
The Corkman wrote:I don't know about the first two but the answer to the third is Goosey Goosey.

A neurotic Kerryman is one who thinks that 2 + 3 = 6 A neurotic Corkman is one who knows that 2 + 3 = 5 and worries about it all the time.

Two Corkmen were waiting at a bus stop. When the bus drew up it turned out to be a one-man bus so one Corkman turned to the other and said
'You can take this bus, I'll wait for the next one'.

A Corkman sent his son to University and after some time the lad was awarded a B.A. degree. On graduation he received the following telegram from his father —
'Congratulations on getting your B.A. Now for the other 24 letters and this time for goodness sake get them in the right order'

Have you heard about the Corkman who decided to have only three children?
He heard that one in every four children born is Chinese.

A Corkman was on the Mailboat to Holyhead when a man fell overboard.
'Help', he shouted as he struggled in the water, 'drop me a line'.
'I can't', said the Corkman, 'I don't know your address'.