One Liners

A Corkman rushed into a police station and told the sergeant that his car had just been stolen.
'Did you get a good look at the thief?' the sergeant asked. 'No', said the Corkman, 'but I got his number"

A little Cork village had just bought a new fire engine and the local councillors were wondering what should be done with the old one.
'I've got an idea', said one councillor, 'why not keep the old engine for false alarms?'

A Corkman set up a new photographic service but it didn't work out very well.
It was called 'Rent-a-Flash-Bulb'.

Have you heard about the Kerryman who sold a £10 parking ticket to a Corkman for £5?

A Corkman read about experiments showing that the tar and nicotine in cigarettes caused cancer in rats and mice. So he put all his cigarettes on the top shelf where the rats and mice couldn't get at them.

A Corkman went to America where he became a policeman. One night he had handed out a hundred and seventy-three parking tickets before he realised that it was a drive-in movie.

How do you recognise a Cork racing driver in a big race? He makes a hundred pit stops. Three for fuel, four for tyre changes, and ninety -three to ask for directions.

How do you recognise a Corkman well versed in etiquette
He doesn't blow his soup - he fans it with his cap

A Corkman arrived at the gates of Heaven and was asked by St Peter where he was from.
'Cork', he replied proudly.
'Get to Hell out of here', said St Peter, 'surely you don't expect us to make drisheen for one'.

Have you heard about the Corkman who went to a mind reader?
He got his money back.